Acceptance: All that I have right now

The past few weeks have been very tough for me personally. I am so used to taking care of people and supporting others that I don’t know how to process what I am going through right now, so acceptance is all I have. For now that is going to have to be good enough.
This may be a bit of a scattered / not-really-helpful-information type post, but its truly where I am at with my situation.
4 weeks ago I was feeling very depressed and discouraged, like nothing was helping me and like no-one could give me any relief from my body’s pain and just life in general. I was so low and I knew my kids were suffering from my lack of motivation and attention. My husband was picking up all the slack and it hurt me to know I wasn’t at my best. My husband would come home to nothing done except the kids being cared for.
It was a struggle every day and I just kept on going.
I came to the end of my rope and I needed some help. I needed some answers to why I was feeling like this and why I was not getting any better after a year and a half of physio therapy. I felt my body was just ready to give up on me just as I was ready to give up on most everything else. I couldn’t go on like this without some sort of answers.
I went to my Dr. and we discussed what was going on. It was hard to share with anyone what was really going on with me but I just couldn’t live this way anymore.
After many questions and tests the results came back as a few things, not only one lemon to deal with but four. The first one he told me was that I had  a hormonal imbalance. Not a huge surprise since it runs in my family and they all have medication for it. One possible impact of this imbalance is that you can gain weight in a quicker way without medication or other life changing adjustments.
Second he told me I am on the border of severely depressed. Again not a complete shocker because I have been feeling it, but still it’s hard to hear. Its also hard to talk about right now as a mother, but I will get there.
The next two things he told me I am still wrapping my head around and trying to make lemonade.
I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I am pregnant…
Let me just give you a second to soak that in.
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I almost don’t know how to go on in this post as I try to express my feelings in the right way. Don’t read this wrong I am excited to be pregnant and be blessed (again) with a sweet little spirit in our home, it’s literally just the timing of it all.
This one doctor’s appointment has already changed my life, a new addition to our already crazy home and fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia may seem trivial to some, but for me it means I will be living with this same body pain, discomfort and other symptoms (which includes depression and much more) until I can get them under control. I am still looking into it and working with others to help me accept this and gain some relief, but it’s hard. There is so much to know and so little actual evidence that anything will help. I still feel discouraged but I now have a name and some understanding.
 the-clouds-1768967_1920
As for this baby, I already am having morning sickness (…all day long) and other symptoms of pregnancy that are really holding me down, but I can see there will be a light at the end of all this.
For now my life feels as if it has been changed, shifted in a way that can’t go back.

 

As I go through and discover myself again I ask that you bear with me as I navigate this new life. There are going to be bad days and good days that I will struggle with, but I know as I strive for happiness I can find a way to live the best life I can.

 

 

 

 

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