This is not a post meant to complain or get pity-likes, simply to share the struggles and connect with others that might be going through the same.
Pregnancy has not always been easy for me (as is the case with probably most moms!), but I got through and was able to keep up with what needed to be done. This pregnancy, on the other hand, has been especially hard on me, my body, and my family. I can hardly keep up in my normal days demands. My 2 wonderful girls are amazing, but still little toddlers (3 and 1 year old). They are active, messy, and really challenging at times. They need so much of my attention already that it’s hard to focus on other things that need to get done.
We all know those sayings that tell us not to worry about house work or other things when our children are little, growing, and learning, but it’s easier said than done at the best times.
As of late the mess and other things have been piling up so high that just the stress of it all causes me to break down. Even as I write this the anxiety and stress builds. The feelings are overwhelming and depressing to know I can’t do anything different to change things.
Being just diagnosed with fibromyalgia and finding out I am pregnant at the same time was overwhelming, but actually having to deal with the worsening symptoms have been very eye-opening to this condition.
Let me share a bit of the changes since becoming pregnant. I was undiagnosed and living with fibromyalgia for over a year so the pain had become normal. The aches and pains all over my body had become almost second nature. I knew if I had a day of walking I would have to heat or rest my body when I got home. I knew there were some things I could not do and some things that I would be ok at doing but would still cause me pain later.
I was dealing with it and honestly I thought that it was normal and everyone had back pain, headaches, neck pain and pressure point aggravation every day. I truly thought that everyone went to bed sore and restless waking up a bit better or the same. How was I supposed to know it was going to continue to be a problem? I felt like such a complainer (and maybe I am sometimes) whenever I would voice my problems to others.
Now, I know, I know, not everyone will understand because it’s not normal. It’s not like everyday pains I feel I had years ago. It’s hard to explain the differences because I truly don’t know the difference any more. I go to bed with discomfort and wake up in pain. I am constantly tired, confused, depressed and hurting.
The symptoms may sound the same as just being regularly pregnant. Remember I am only (now) 10 weeks along. It should not be like this just yet, but it is. Pregnancy causes some major ‘fibro’ flair ups. Normally joints are just sore to the touch; add pregnancy and they are sore all the time. My 3 year old bumped my wrist and it felt as if I had a major bruise and still is in pain.
Normally I can carry my children for a short while before getting tired or sore, but with pregnancy it has been exhausting. Going shopping is so exhausting I need to make time to rest after, getting them in and out of the car is hard, but the killer is the walking after the energy is spent. At the end a shopping trip I can hardly drive home my body is so tired.
Before pregnancy and fibromyalgia I could clean my house and keep up with the household chores at a reasonable rate. Now I see the mess and get so overwhelmed I can’t even start. It’s hard to describe and makes me feel so horrible but it is accurate to me right now. I try to get things done when my husband is home (he works so hard for our family), but I often end up a ball of tears on the floor. Some of you other mothers may also feel this way with depression and it’s hard to explain and get over.
Another pregnancy-like symptom is fibro fog. Like ‘pregnancy-brain’ it makes things hard to remember and even simply difficult to concentrate. Add both of them together and you have got me. I have a hard time remembering simple things like spelling (thank goodness for spell check) and directions. I even had to call my sister to direct me to our hometown airport after a visit because I did not remember. I had lived there for 20 years and it was completely gone. It was embarrassing and discouraging. I can’t believe that happened to me and it’s only going to get worse.
I have read many articles that say “before you get pregnant figure out what works for you”. Well, it’s a little too late for that, so I am kind of on my own as I figure how to deal with these flare ups and new symptoms.
Through my research I have read many different things, but there are not many answers or even experiences out there. It is very disheartening to know there may be others (exactly like me) that don’t know what’s going to happen, what it’s going to be like to be pregnant and what to do next. I know over the next few months it is going to be very hard, but my end goal as I write these things, is to help others know they are not alone. That as I struggle through I may also be able to find answers and things that others may be able to benefit from.
Support is very important to all struggling, if you know of someone (or want to show your support for me) please share and comment. If you have a similar experience please message me and share.
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